Either or. Not both I’ve decided. IT’s a funny thing about lessons. They come when you need them right? But in my case, I often notice a lesson playing out for others, before I realize that the dang lesson is for me. So I’m going along watching others struggle with something and feeling like I got it HA! and then I realize…dang the lesson is for me…not for them. Or maybe it’s for them…but it’s for me too.
This particular lesson has come up about ten times in the last four or five days. Because, you know, I couldn’t get it the first time. So, I’ve found myself , hypocritically, trying to point this lesson out to those around me. While not really practicing this little piece of spiritual advice myself. I hate when I’m a hypocrite. Ugh.
So, today, I sat with this thought while going about my other responsibilities. Hey universe…I get it. Blaming others leads to a whole lot of victim hood, depression, fear blah blah. Then I thought for awhile about how you can avoid blaming others. At first, I was kind of like…“hey, other people do wrong you sometimes. Other people can be wrong. Murderers for instance…child abusers, people who interfere with your joy and happiness, liars (and there’s alot of that on the American scene right now) That is all true I said to myself. Dang right it’s true I answered myself back”! Still…what’s the answer to not blaming? Because blaming someone ….even if you think they deserve it… is still not going to get you down the path of healing and enlightenment right?
I suspect that the answer is different for different people. But here’s what I came up with if it helps…
1. Identify the problem. Take a real, realistic honest look at what is really bothering you. Look at it from different perspectives. What makes it better? What would make your feelings about it change? Can you understand where the other person was coming from? If not, can you at least get out of the blaming space?
2. Face your fears…take responsibility for resolving it. No one is going to fix it for you. Most times the person you are blaming is not going to fix it because who even knows what their experience of the whole situation is? They may be blaming you right back or have some other agenda that you’re not even aware of. Hey…they have their own journey and you have yours. Save yourself is what I’m saying.
3. Don’t waste your time feeling bad and doing nothing. Do something. And if you can’t do something now…then let it go until you can. Really let it go. Don’t do that martyr thing because… nobody looks good doing all that.
And last but not least…something I learned from Marianne Williamson….Pray hard for the person who you feel has wronged you. For days. Either it will change them or it will change how you feel about what they did. Or you will get tired and move on to some other problem…lol. You think I’m kidding but I seriously don’t have the behavioural energy for long term blame, anger, and grudge holding. For the most part, you have to really do me wrong in order for me to remember to be mad. And even then I mostly forget.
Now, if I can just put all that into practice…laughter…I’ll let you know. Guru-in- practice Fonda…signing out.