“one runs the risk of weeping a little if one let’s oneself be tamed”  I was thinking about this the other day as I watched my granddaughter absolutely demand what she needed.  My daughter said to me…”she’s a wild child today”. I laughed, in sympathy,  and carried on with my day.  I had a thought when I came to my journal though…when did we give up demanding what we need? How are we as women taught in oh so many ways to give in, give up, change our minds, hide, pretend, smooth over, reconcile and just be different in one way or another?  (I don’t believe it’s only women but that’s the only experience I can speak to) Why haven’t we supported each other in our quest for those things we really really need?  Respect, equal pay, emotional freedom, freedom to make decisions about our own bodies….freedom from fear of physical harm….why why why haven’t we risen up and fought for these things? Why didn’t our mothers? Maya Angelou said “when you know better you do better”.   I’ve always agreed with that but just lately given the things going on in the world….  I wonder.  I wonder alot. Just things that I’m pondering over here in the snowy orchard today!

11 thoughts on “When

  1. I wonder too. And the wondering causes a sharp little pain way deep inside. All that potential wasted. All that grief. For what?

    • Nancy I agree….it does cause a sharp little pain and I often wish I could go back and tell my younger self some real truth!!! I guess we all want to fit in when we are younger but somehow we don’t get the message that you can lose yourself if you’re not careful!

  2. Amy talked about getting older, and as I get older I realize more and more I can only change me. I can protest, shout, discuss, fight for, write about, vote for the way I would like the world to be. Add a hundred other methods. But the bottom line is always—am I practicing what I preach so others can see it in my life? That is the slowest way, but many have proved how effective word of mouth communication is. We teach by doing what we believe in. I know you are very good at this, in some aspects of your life, Fonda. But are you able to ask for what YOU need?

    Let your granddaughter see you asking for what you need—your truest, deepest needs— and graciously accepting them. Enjoying them. Loving them (and her). It will teach her that even when she gets older, it is possible to keep considering her needs as important, and necessary.

    • Carol that’s the best dang answer I’ve heard in ages. Thank you for your well thought out replies. They are always always appreciated!!! Big love!

  3. Did your daughter make that comment in front of your Granddaughter? That is how the pretending begins. Only saying this, because that is what I learned about part of my life. Always called shy, but it started after being made fun of when I loudly stated exactly what I was thinking. To this day family will comment on how “mouthy” I was as a child. But they don’t see how they had a part in quieting that voice. And it goes back to what they experienced as children. And the generation before that.
    Terrific post, wonderful piece 🙂

    • Sheila thanks for commenting and for your insight. No she walked over to me and said it. She and I both try to be aware of what we are teaching her about being a woman. I know my daughter is more informed as a mom than I was and I was more informed than my mom was. I just wish it didn’t take so long lol. I’m sorry you were quieted…I often was too. Which is why I’m big on teaching people to tell their truth especially in their art! Sending you big being seen energy!! Fonda

  4. I have memories of when I was being ‘tamed’. I was too young to fight back and when I did, I paid the price for it. That is how it started for me. Physically being disciplined. As you stated, Maya Angelou says “when you know better you do better”. My parents did the best they could do with us, given their upbringing. I hope I have passed on a bit of knowledge to my son and that he will, in turn, pass on more to his children. 🙂 <3

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