“one runs the risk of weeping a little if one let’s oneself be tamed” I was thinking about this the other day as I watched my granddaughter absolutely demand what she needed. My daughter said to me…”she’s a wild child today”. I laughed, in sympathy, and carried on with my day. I had a thought when I came to my journal though…when did we give up demanding what we need? How are we as women taught in oh so many ways to give in, give up, change our minds, hide, pretend, smooth over, reconcile and just be different in one way or another? (I don’t believe it’s only women but that’s the only experience I can speak to) Why haven’t we supported each other in our quest for those things we really really need? Respect, equal pay, emotional freedom, freedom to make decisions about our own bodies….freedom from fear of physical harm….why why why haven’t we risen up and fought for these things? Why didn’t our mothers? Maya Angelou said “when you know better you do better”. I’ve always agreed with that but just lately given the things going on in the world…. I wonder. I wonder alot. Just things that I’m pondering over here in the snowy orchard today!
Someone famous said…and I can’t pull their name from my brain right now…”if when you get up in the morning all you can think about is making art …then you are an artist.” I heard that loud and clear many years ago now…some twenty years I guess. I started working then to believe that. One day I was doing a show, back when I worked with pastels…and I listened to people talking about my art…and one woman said “oh I ‘d love that painting if it were in lavender. Could you paint it for me in lavender”? And I just had an aha moment. My art isn’t a burger from Burger king. (by the way if you’re outside the states that’s a fast food place who used to have the slogan “have it your way”) You can’t have it your way. It’s my way or no way. I’m the artist. Maybe the one place in my life that I get to say that. IT”S MY WAY. When I really, really internalized that…I started to be ok with creating truthful art ….because I am doing it my way. I’m telling my truth. Because I can!! I still have those voices that say…don’t post that, people will think you’re not good enough, or you’re not an artist or whatever. And then I just say to myself and those voices…I’m doing it my way. Get out of my way….I’m an artist and that means being brave enough to listen to myself and tell the truth. My job an an artist is to know how I feel so that I can convey that to you. I can’t know how I feel if I’m worried about how you feel. Does this resonate at all?