I have lots of these

11193319_1059518260728534_395146129873692214_n

For a long time…this, up above, was my biggest anxiety producer.  The blank page.  yuck. But I was so attracted to paper and art journaling journals that I had tons of these lying around ( Because , you know, one day I was going to jump up and fill them with glorious pages of myself…lol.)  So I would surf the net for inspiration.  Talk to friends on facebook.  Reorganize my art supplies.  And usually after many hours wasted… end up with something that wasn’t really mine.  Didn’t light me up.  But I had put something down on the page.  But what a waste of time it all usually was. Then one day I was lying in the bed looking at patterns in the tin ceiling.  I had an Aha moment, because I realized….my mind doesn’t work from blank, it works from patterns.  My whole life I’ve looked at patterns and deducted things from them.  Patterns in the wood walls become bunnies and horses and monsters and creatures in my mind.  It’s sort of the sculpting view of artmaking.  I needed to have patterns for my mind to really work.

Now I work from old books…I add paint and paper and pens to the pages….in batches.  Large batches.  Then when I sit down to my journaling practice at night…I pick a page.  I don’t ever do it all together anymore because I’ve found that background pages are in one compartment in my mind and painting/ seeing patterns is another.  It just is.  So now when I sit down to journal I’m looking at this….

11210464_1059518294061864_703289527209137036_n

or this….

11025964_1059518277395199_6640668013466788298_n

or this….

10373786_1059518310728529_7831188618407104284_n

which turns into something like this….11205991_1059523174061376_4818947549586236292_n

or these….

 

11073055_1059523207394706_289747135516847795_n 11133648_1059523190728041_5857766008906014196_n

or this work in progress….

10995798_1059523254061368_6052032044434399157_n