So this year my sister and I are turning 50. Yep the big five oh. Those of you who know me, know that I suffer or am “challenged” by anxiety. I am more challenged by it at certain times than at others. I don’t know why. Family members and friends all have their theories about what causes it to be worse. But I’m of the opinion that it’s caused by hormone and thyroid fluctuations. Which can then cause a spiral into panic if I’m not very, very careful. I don’t know if I’m right…but I can tell you that if you’ve never suffered from panic or anxiety disorder that it can be horrifying and debilitating and humbling. It is also a HUGE energy vacuum. HUGE.
So anyway, this year being my fiftieth, I’m really trying hard to overcome the drain of anxiety and live a little more peacefully. A little more centered and calm. Not that I haven’t tried to do all these things in the past, mind you, but I’m trying again to be in the moment when anxiety strikes. To make sure I’m as healthy as I know how to be…..to make sure that I’m spiritually walking and talking the talk. In the spirit of all that…of course it’s coming up in my art journal. Anxiety. bleh. but I discovered something when I started to art it all out. There is still brightness and light in the middle of it all. I believe that and my art confirms it. HA HA. Take that doldrums, panic, and blues. Take that!
I was thinking today about giraffes. And last night too! I mean they truly are odd looking. But I think each giraffe embraces it’s giraffe-ness. Isn’t that the important thing? I’ve never seen a giraffe that was less than other giraffes. Have you? So go out there and be the most giraffiest giraffe.
Embrace yourself. You are the best you that there will ever be. Just my thought for the day.
I spent the holidays wrapped up in a chair, blowing my nose. Yep, I was sick. For days…weeks. I missed a lot of holiday hoopla. And that was okay with me. I’m not much of a socializer.
When I could think (which wasn’t often, because I was feeling just so darn weak) I was thinking to myself….what am I supposed to be learning from all this? And I got to thinking about butterflies. and seeds. and eggs. All those things that grow into something from something else. Is it painful? That’s my thought. Do those things go thru a painful stage in order to change?. I imagine they do. They have to let go of the form that they are filling, let go of the past in other words. We all know that can be a painful thing. So my thought was this….if you want to be prepared to grow…you have to be prepared to change. Gotta let go of the past, any pain, any stuff you’re just carrying around, any ideas you had about what you thought might happen and go with the process. There’s chaos, and pain and getting used to your new form.
From the roots of all that…can come something new. Something beautiful. And something different. Just a thought.