Awaiting further instructions…..

So….you know how when you’re sick you have lots of free time, but you don’t feel well enough to do a dang thing?  Well, I do some of my best and worst thinking when I’m sick.  It’s a sort of a coccooning type thing. This time however; I just didn’t even feel well enough to think…lol.

And it suddenly occurred to me…I’m waiting for further instructions.  As you may have noticed, I’m a binge creator.  I create loads of art in short periods of time.  Then, there’s just this blank slate.  During this period, I can’t think of a darn thing I want to make, paint, sculpt, sew or craft.  Nothing. My mind is blank.

Suddenly I realized….this is sort of a spiritual thing for me right now too.   I’m at that stage in my life.  I’m in self-imposed retreat until the next big thing.  All you creative types, know about “the next big thing”.  I know you do. I’ve turned inwards in order to find what I’m supposed to be doing next.  I read somewhere that this is called the retreat stage and next is the “mission, and then the “visionary” stage.

First, something ruptures. you get fired.  you lose all your money. Tragedy strikes. It may be subtle. But the bottom line is that life as you know it fractures. So you go into retreat.  You spend time and money(don’t forget that, cause you don’t really have a lot coming in usually) trying to figure out who you are and what you should be doing.

At some point, a mission crystallizes. It grows into a powerful..”this is what I should be doing with my life” feeling.  That means its time to start your engines. Get with investors, write a blog, publish a book, paint, dance in the moonlight…whatever.  Just get started on it.

Then you have to become a visonary for your mission.  This is when you start to look like a crazy person.  You most likely need,  a bath, some hair color, and some toenail polish.  true story.  Probably your friends and family start to talk amongst themselves about what they should do about you.This is the point where your friends and family start describing your life as a train wreck and your kids feel that your life is a cautionary tale.  But the thing to remember is that they don’t know.  Only you know what your vision for your life looks like.  Only you.  And unfortunately for you…all you have to guide yourself with is a feeling…in your gut…that you are on the right path.

And then, hopefully, there’s the payout. I’m not there yet…but I can feel that it’s out there somewhere.  I know this stage is where your life starts to take off and make sense.  You’re living peacefully with purpose because you took this time to be here, right now, waiting and working hard to faithfully grow wings with every ounce of will you possess.    So that one day, you can fly.   You just have to have faith and peace in the process even when you’re terrified.  Especially then. Can’t fly sitting on the ground safely waiting for the net to appear.  You don’t need a net on the ground.   Nothing better than that dang story is there?



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